Dear Uncle Sam,

Hi, how are you? I’ve been good this year. I’ve paid my taxes and obeyed the law. Well, at least I think so. There’s just so many, it’s hard to keep up with them all.

Which brings me to my wish list. This holiday season, in the spirit of giving, here are a few things I would really like this year:

More time together

I hear you talk a lot about people in different classes and groups. But really, we’re all just Americans. Can’t we be a nation – together?

Give others a chance

Remember when grandpa tried to fix the sink? Yeah, there’s things you shouldn’t try to fix either. Just back off a little and give people a chance.

A shredder

With 178,000 pages of regulations, it’s really hard to get around. We need to shred a lot of that. Bonus: composting!


I know you mean well, but I just need some space to make my own decisions.


When in doubt, money is always a great gift. To be clear: I’m not asking you to give me money, just stop trying to grab my wallet.

That’s about it. Oh, since it’s the holidays, and we’re being honest, I just have to tell you: I returned all of that red tape you gave me last year. Sorry, it may be popular, but it was just too tight. I hope you understand.

Your friend,
An American

P.S. I didn’t leave any cookies and milk. You really need to diet.

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